Liz

There once was a woman called Liz

Who took part in her local pub quiz.
She turned to her hubby,
But he was quite bubbly
After drinking a bath of Bucks Fizz.

OH HELL!

There once was a girl feeling tipsy
After drinking a bottle of whiskey.
She said, "Oh hell!"
When down she fell
And ran to the loo rather quickly.

Cruelty!

There once was a girl who was cruel,
As she fed her workforce on gruel.
It tasted quite sour,
So they left in an hour
And ran to the chippy to re-fuel.

Manhood

I woke up this morning and got quite a shock!
My knees had turned hairy! They'd started to knock!
I looked in the mirror and thought it was weird,
As my shoulders were broad and I'd sprouted a beard!

Oh where is my lippy? Where are my pearls?
Why am I thinking of fast cars and girls?
I'm burping and belching! My feet are all smelly -
and what am I doing watching football on telly?

The smell of my feet makes me stagger and swoon -
I can't stand the smell of this "manly perfume"!
It follows me around wherever I go,
So I'm off to find a peg for my nose!

I'm off for a pint tonight with the lads,
But why can't I squeeze into my best shoulder pads?
And what will they say when I queue for the loo?
"Oi mate! Can't you read? It's the GENTS for you!"

I went to the Gent's with my "pistol" in hand,
Ready to squirt it all over the land!
I'll squirt it at anyone who challenges me,
For I'm getting quite used to my manhood, you see... ;-)

Dotty Lottie (Version 2)

DOTTY LOTTIE.

There once was a princess called Lottie,

But her friends started calling her Dottie

When she bought some mince pies,

Said, “They’re just my size!”
And ran home to sit on her potty.

Dotty Lottie (Version 1)

DOTTY LOTTIE.

There once was a princess called Lottie,

But her friends started calling her Dottie

When she bought some mince pies,

Said, “They’re just my size!”
And ran home to play with her dolly.