Manhood

I woke up this morning and got quite a shock!
My knees had turned hairy! They'd started to knock!
I looked in the mirror and thought it was weird,
As my shoulders were broad and I'd sprouted a beard!

Oh where is my lippy? Where are my pearls?
Why am I thinking of fast cars and girls?
I'm burping and belching! My feet are all smelly -
and what am I doing watching football on telly?

The smell of my feet makes me stagger and swoon -
I can't stand the smell of this "manly perfume"!
It follows me around wherever I go,
So I'm off to find a peg for my nose!

I'm off for a pint tonight with the lads,
But why can't I squeeze into my best shoulder pads?
And what will they say when I queue for the loo?
"Oi mate! Can't you read? It's the GENTS for you!"

I went to the Gent's with my "pistol" in hand,
Ready to squirt it all over the land!
I'll squirt it at anyone who challenges me,
For I'm getting quite used to my manhood, you see... ;-)

Dotty Lottie (Version 2)

DOTTY LOTTIE.

There once was a princess called Lottie,

But her friends started calling her Dottie

When she bought some mince pies,

Said, “They’re just my size!”
And ran home to sit on her potty.

Dotty Lottie (Version 1)

DOTTY LOTTIE.

There once was a princess called Lottie,

But her friends started calling her Dottie

When she bought some mince pies,

Said, “They’re just my size!”
And ran home to play with her dolly.