The Measles Express

There once was a boy with measles,
Who went out with his pet weasel,
But the boy started twitching
When his spots started itching
And he drank half a gallon of diesel.

Yet the weasel was filled with disdain,
When his owner turned into a train.
He wasn't impressed
When the "Measles Express"
Left him stranded alone in the rain.

;-)

Hat Horrors!

There once was a man in a bowler hat
Who swung from a tree - well fancy that!
He saw a pink bonnet,
Fell down upon it
And landed in the mud with a splat!

A Girl Like Me

A girl who looked just like me
Went out on a spending spree.
She felt rather honoured
To have a few dollars -
'Til the money blew into a tree.

Liz

There once was a woman called Liz

Who took part in her local pub quiz.
She turned to her hubby,
But he was quite bubbly
After drinking a bath of Bucks Fizz.

OH HELL!

There once was a girl feeling tipsy
After drinking a bottle of whiskey.
She said, "Oh hell!"
When down she fell
And ran to the loo rather quickly.

Cruelty!

There once was a girl who was cruel,
As she fed her workforce on gruel.
It tasted quite sour,
So they left in an hour
And ran to the chippy to re-fuel.

Manhood

I woke up this morning and got quite a shock!
My knees had turned hairy! They'd started to knock!
I looked in the mirror and thought it was weird,
As my shoulders were broad and I'd sprouted a beard!

Oh where is my lippy? Where are my pearls?
Why am I thinking of fast cars and girls?
I'm burping and belching! My feet are all smelly -
and what am I doing watching football on telly?

The smell of my feet makes me stagger and swoon -
I can't stand the smell of this "manly perfume"!
It follows me around wherever I go,
So I'm off to find a peg for my nose!

I'm off for a pint tonight with the lads,
But why can't I squeeze into my best shoulder pads?
And what will they say when I queue for the loo?
"Oi mate! Can't you read? It's the GENTS for you!"

I went to the Gent's with my "pistol" in hand,
Ready to squirt it all over the land!
I'll squirt it at anyone who challenges me,
For I'm getting quite used to my manhood, you see... ;-)